Taking My Slice Of The Pie & Nearly Having Others!

"The Strip"

Did I walk away (fly really!) a rich man inVegas…? Did I leave with only the shirt on my back…? Were my legs broken..? Was I knee capped & dumped at the City limits…? None of the above but I did walk away with more than when I entered!!

Self explanatory really..!

The first night I walked The Strip I did (& this will contradict things written previously) go to Hooters Casino (“A Cure For The Common Casino” being it’s tagline)!! My reasoning being that if I was going to loose money, why not do it to some good looking women..? My first try was at Blackjack and I was doing quite well. The dealers etc @ Hooters wore exactly the same uniform as in the bars but with a satin orange bow tie that matched their hot pants!! All very silly! The brunette who was dealing was treating me pretty well & then she changed out with a blonde and then (as ‘gambling phobias’ go) my luck went south! I wanted the brunette back! After loosing 7 hands in a row I cashed out & turned to the pokies. I’m not usually a pokie man (I’m not really ever a gambling man) but I gave “King Kong” a bash & reclaimed some of my lost blackjack winnings. I kept some of the $1 chips as dodgy souvenirs for mates & headed back home.

The Bellagio

The night I went & saw Cirque De Soliel’s “O” (see previous post) I gambled a little at The Bellagio too, prepared to loose $X amount again. This time I chose the Big Wheel… which I must admit is my favourite. For those who don’t know the intricacies of The Big Wheel, it has $1, $2, $5, $10, $20 & 2 x ‘Joker’ or symbol segments on a big vertical spinning wheel. Each ‘piece’ of the wheel pays back that amount in odds – 20-1, 5-1 etc with each of the Joker/symbol ones paying around 40-1 but you have to pick the correct Joker/symbol to win (of the 2, each only appears once on the Wheel). Of the monetary values, their frequency on the Wheel is also dictated by the amount you can win, so of course, there are more $1 than $2 which has more than $5 etc. When I play the Big Wheel I generally will cover $5, $10 & $20 @ $5 each & will only cover a $2 if the previous spin spins up one of ‘my’ numbers.

Despite my affection to James Bond, didn't put a foot inside this casino...?!?!

Andy, the Spinner, treated my very nicely!! In 16 spins, he’d only spun up a $1 twice & $2 once..! You do the math! I’d never seen a run on the wheel like this! When I do gamble, which is fairly infrequent, I have my ‘loosing chips’ in one pocket, usually my left, & put winnings in my right pocket. When left is empty, I can take from the right but once the right is empty, it’s all over. Not sounding too much like a wanker but I started piling up my chips on the table! Not that I had thousands of dollars but just cause it was funny and in my books, I was winning fairly big! I even went as far as too ‘throw’ Andy a $5 chip or two after a couple of wonderful spins & also when his shift was up & Leo came to the table. As with Blackjack the previous night, once the Spinner changed, so did the run of luck!! The Spinner had nothing to do with it (unless the games are rigged..??) and purely to do with chance but after Andy, Leo was spinning up $1’s & $2’s all over the shop so I bailed, saw the show but I did return afterwards upon seeing that Andy was back on the table and sure enough, in the 11 spins I was there before Leo once again took over, Andy treated me very well. Didn’t even try to test Leo once he took over again & I flipped Andy another $5! Ah the high life!

My beloved Dukes (this is an action shot taken during 'live' play!) LOVED the Big Money Rev Up!

I then decided I wanted another few $1 chips as quick presents & returned to Hooters. Didn’t fancy the tables after The Bellagio so I dabbled on The Dukes Of Hazard slots machine… and did pretty well!! I sat on the one machine for about 3hrs!! The longest I have EVER spent on a machine – usually it’s $20 in & 10mins later, walk away! Not this time!! The Dukes were very kind & when the Bonus Feature kicked in , I had an uncanny knack of ‘steering’ (via button pushing) the Dukes through also sorts of roadblocks, avoiding Boss Hog etc! It was quite funny & I had a great cocktail waitress who kept bringing beers over. Granted, I did channel some of my winnings into back into Dukes but, I did still walk away with more than I entered. It was the complete opposite to what I had expected!!

MGM - had giant lions and everything!

I also had another kind of ‘luck’ in Vegas. It occurred whilst on the Big Wheel, when I had my chips stacked up in front of me. This gorgeous blonde came up and sidled in alongside me… Andy introduced me and said that Sarah was a regular at the tables & of The Bellagio. He then proceeded to tell her who I was, that I was a drummer in a band… TBC

Yes, that’s right, I had decided to take on the persona of some kind of Rock God!! In Vegas, as I had suspected, the more BS you spun, the more credible you were. You started to fit the mold of what Vegas was all about. It all started when Andy was quizzing me about who I was, where I was from etc. I said that I was on tour & that there was a band and then he jumped in and went “Oh, so you’re in a band”, to which I quickly replied, “Yes, yes I am”!! I became the drummer from “The Small Hours” the band I’d seen the other night!! We’d been on a massive tour, were in Vegas negotiating a record contract and many other details. All able to be supported using details of the recent Tango Tour!! I just substituted Tango Fire for Small Hours!! They lapped it up..!! Suckers!!

The Eiffel Tower outside Paris Casino - had an Arch de Triumph as well! I also have a photo of the real tower from about the same angle!

… so Sarah starts chatting away & she grabs a round of drinks. She was stunning & I mean stunning! She was smartly dressed in “every woman’s must have” – a little black dress, light make up & definitely had the attention of other men at the table. I was already on the backfoot as I was not who I said I was..!! We started some general chit chat with my mind thinking about a polite way to expose the lie, all the whilst telling another Tango substituted lie..!! “Are you staying here…?” came a casual question whilst her hand brushed over mine, longer than ‘accidental’ but short enough to raise the temperature a few degrees. “No, we’ve been put up somewhere else..” (Shit, shit, shit = internal monologue!!). “Well that’s alright, I could do with a walk” (or something similar). (Homer Simpson scream = internal monologue) (Please note that my ‘room’ was a Private Room at a Hostel, not quite the Ceaser’s Palace ‘somewhere else’ she may have thought!) At this point the imminent collapse of my ‘Small Hours’ world may possibly have showed on my face, I’m not sure, I’ll never know but I offered to tip her (not buy her) another cocktail. She responded by putting her hand on my arm & saying something that I didn’t hear… Her breath felt great on my neck though…!! Andy then jumps in by saying that there was someone else Sarah should meet at the other end of the table. She excuses herself, saying she’ll be back… then… about 5mins later she walks away arm in arm with a married couple..!!! The Fix Is In..! All Andy did was shrug his shoulders, proceeded to spin up a $10, which earned him another $5 & just for good measure & to try and re-capture any of my former ‘image’, flipped him another $5 with a “thanks for looking out for me” with a knowing nod.

It very well maybe that I rejected a sensational looking blonde but I’m pretty damn sure that a “High Class Hooker” that you see in movies etc. tried to do a number on me!! I had no idea it was happening until she walked away with the married couple! If I hadn’t have been telling small white lies, I doubt I even would have been introduced to her but I must say, it was a great addition to the Vegas Chapter of my adventures..! Imagine if I had been ‘crazy silly’ & booked a room on The Strip for my Vegas stay… when would she have talked prices… when would I have realised I’d been duped…? Would I even have thought I was in with a chance in the ‘normal’ world…?

Oh well, I like to think that Tim from “Small Hours” would have known what to do, after all, it was his life I was leading!!

A Thin Veneer Of Make Up – The Vultures Come In To Feed

My last day in LA was pretty uneventful – went for a massive walk down Rodeo Drive & Melrose, inspecting clothes shops etc & just cruising around. I basically wanted to kill most of the people that I encountered! Pretty much every person walking around had one of those ‘accessory’ dogs! Everyone! The glitz & glamour that are associated with the above streets just doesn’t seem to exist! Basically, what I’m saying is, LA – or at least Hollywood – ain’t the place for me. I had planned to wonder down to Red Rock (Dave ‘Jack Black’s) bar but ended up ordering a pizza and falling asleep around 10pm!

One of the many businesses that there are 100's of in Vegas.

The next day saw the Vegas & final leg of the holiday come into play. Heading in, the Captain said that there would be pretty bad turbulence, and there was! By far the worst I’ve ever encountered. The plane was still being tossed around as we landed & it did feel like we were going to skid & crash off the runway but apparently that’s normal in Vegas! It’s mainly due to the fact that the city, literally is in the middle of the desert. I did get a view of The Strip as flying in and despite it being daylight, I still hummed the CSI theme!

Giz having a flutter on the pokies @ Circus Circus.

The hostel where I was staying was in the um, lower part of the ‘glamorous’ scale of Vegas, down on the East side. I quickly ascertained that Vegas, like Hollywood, isn’t at all like what we’re led to believe thru media, celebrity & ‘the great American Dream’, oh no, it’s a cesspool of greed, slime & sex. Everywhere you go, there are pokie or slot machines. They cram them into every available space. And no, I’m unfortunately not just talking about the casinos – they’re in 7 Elevens, grocery stores, mini marts, souvenir shops, even drugstores!! I started going into as many different stores that I could and all had slot machines. Sometimes only 5-10 but they always had at least one person sitting there. The only place I didn’t try was Maccas, Wendy’s etc – the fast food chains but I dare say they too may have had some!

The only thing I can say is "I hope so" (read the fine print!)

There were some great people crashing at the hostel – it was fairly quiet seeing as it was winter but there were still enough people to interact with. The hostel was a franchise of the one Ric & I had stayed at in San Fran but this time I’d booked a single private room with an ensuite. Mickey (one of the hosts) was this great girl who was a fabulous cook. Each night you got to choose between two dishes & it only cost you $5! Cheaper than eating out but mighty tasty & it meant you got to mingle & share a few drinks with the others that were around. Daniella (Argentine), Alex (Spain), Carlos (Columbia) & I sort of bonded & hung out most of the time I was in Vegas. Jordan (another host) was from Chicago and cooked up a mean BBQ one night. He served up a mean hotdog – “the Chicago way”. It had about three layers of condiments & stuff on it and it was gold! As Jordan & I agreed, “it’s all about the sauces”.

As with most hostels they also had some form of activity on each night – the BBQ being one of them. The funniest one being Pool-quelia – the cunning combination of playing pool & drinking tequila!! It was pretty cheap tequila too. It started off as a normal game & if you gave away two shots, you had a shot & so on. After a few games, sill reasons for having shots came thick & fast. Mickey (Caribbean) was the ring leader of the night & then we all eventually ended up in the spa! Goes without saying that I slept soundly that night!

Me & my shadow on The Strip

This was a crazy guy from Japan. He was great & was trying to get me to tell him the name of this Aussie band that he'd heard... It ended up being The Veronicas - he was mad for them!! Crazy!

Another night took us to a local bar where two bands from the UK were playing. They were both pretty good, I wanted CD’s from both of them but only one of the bands (The Small Hours) had one to sell. The other band had left all their CD’s at their hotel!! Idiots!

By day I basically did my usual walking around to get a true feel of the place. I found The Strip by complete mistake & didn’t even know if it was The Strip. It looks nothing like the image you have in your head (well, the one I had in mine anyway!) Started to see casino’s that were ‘famous’ – Sahara, Circus Circus but where was the glitz, where was the chique…? No where! I put a few dollars thru at Circus Circus & the rumours are true, you do get free cocktails in Vegas but you ‘pay’ via tips! But if you apply the same idea as at a bar – tip them well on the first couple of rounds & they’ll come back more often! Either way, you’re still paying on average around $3/beer or bourbon.

Come on, you know the song... "Can you guess where I'm calling from...? The Las Vegas Hilton! (Hilton, Hilton!)"

One night I went out with $X amount to loose. It was my final fling of the holiday & I was well & truly prepared to come back with nothing. Upon getting to The Strip it immediately looked a whole lot better. It was all lit up & the spectacle of it all had come to life. I’ll admit, it did look quite fantastic as there was neon, flashing bulbs, strobes & blinking lights on every available piece of real estate. This was the Vegas I’d imagined! The underbelly of Vegas quickly reared up though. About every 10m or so were guys flicking cards out at you. When I say flicking, I mean that they were ‘shuffling’ them like a deck of cards but in a way that made this weird clicking sound to grab your attention & each card was ‘free entry & a drink to Strip Club (insert dodgy name here)’. Trucks towing billboards with scantily clad girls saying “Don’t be lonely, we can be at your door in under ½ an hour” went by, on The Strip, every few minutes. There were also street hustlers everywhere trying to sell you ‘genuine’ articles, CD’s etc. It was all pretty much summed up when the bus driver who dropped me off warned me that “you stay on The Strip, you gonna be fine. Wonder away from the pretty lights & it ain’t gonna be that pretty”. Words to gamble by!

Classy, classy Vegas...!

It was cool to see MGM, New York New York, Caesars Palace etc all lit up and showing themselves. Upon being in Vegas & seeing that it is all about greed (we all know this but it’s actually tangible in the air) you get a weird feeling. Granted there are people who are there as tourists but everyone has that “I could strike it rich” look in their eye. Maybe I’d have a different outlook had I had other people around to share the experience with but when your alone, all you can do is observe and you do get a far more honest taste of your surroundings as you are one giant receptor. Your brain takes in & analyses each piece of stimuli, not distracted by listening & then contributing to conversations or being caught up in the ‘excitement’ of being somewhere unique with friends.

Drive, arrive, plug 'n' play!!

Don’t get me wrong, Vegas was always on my list of places that I wanted to visit & I’m glad I have & I’ll be honest, it pretty much lived up to my expectations but it was, overall, entertaining.