Moi Nombre Tim y Moi Apordo Hombre Chancho or (They Still Call Me Pig Man!)

Well, it’s been nigh on year now since I signed up with Tango Fire & nearly 9 months of that has been spent on the road (or in the air!) & I’ll admit, cracks & questions appear every now & then. There is definitely a longing for ‘home’, not Melbourne per se but to actually be surrounded by my stuff . More to sleep in MY bed & sit on MY couch etc.– have somewhere concrete to return too! I must admit though, when your whole life/house weighs approx 25kgs, it puts many things into perspective. It makes you realise how little you actually need to survive or to have a ‘life’. Material possessions fade into the background & it becomes quite clear that your friendships & the things you can’t buy, are the measure of your existence – not a new HD, Widescreen TV (which might be nice though..!)

Being away from your friends definitely makes you realise the good things they bring into your life & how much they are needed. I’m quite happy having alone time but definitely miss my friends. I’m reminded through a certain song or sometimes you just have the urge to catch up with a particular person. The great thing is I get out of the blue SMS’s from people at various points (my Aus number is always on), as if I’m in Melbourne and they’re generally nothing important, just random gags of old or something dumb – which makes them even more important than conveying anything new & informative!!

I’m probably even more carefree in my approach to life than I was before. The ‘dream’ is to save enough to buy a house, well, have enough for a decent deposit but I’m not counting every penny. The luxury of not having bills to pay or monthly rent has meant that I’m much more free with my money. It’s not that I was possessive previously but I haven’t really bought any true souvenirs/knick knacks on my adventures so far as I have nowhere to put them!! It also hasn’t been a conscious choice either. On my travels gone past, I’ve bought a vast array of trinkets but each item is bought with it’s position on a shelf already thought thru, or where it will hang on the wall. Now, the option they have is to go into storage...! Defeats the purpose of buying it if you ask me!

What I have been buying is a fair bit of music. (Remember how I lost my CD Library {read iTunes} when I decided to leave my ‘lounge room’ in Atlanta..?) I haven’t been replacing CD’s I already have, just buying new music or CD’s that I always meant to buy – you know the ones, you’ve picked them up time after time, even when on special but just never purchased them!! I’ve also bought a number of CD’s from listening to bands at bars. I’ve also been buying alot of clothes – mostly t-shirts & tops & now have quite an extensive wardrobe! For some reason black is making a comeback. Haven’t worn black for quite some time but I guess with being back on the stage, it was always going to creep back in!!

The other very lucky part about my gig is that I’ve had more time off this year than I have since I started out in this Industry, nearly 11 years ago (yikes, have I been doing this as a ‘professional’ for that long..?!?) I’ve had a 6 week holiday through the States with Ric & I plan to take most of the time off between the Aus/NZ Tour (which is next) and the next leg that covers China, Germany, States, Portugal, Canada, Greece & England again. It’s going to be pretty much 8 months straight on the road & both my Birthday & Christmas/New Years will be away from home so I plan to spend as much time with friends & family that I can. No doubt I’ll work a little to have some $$ coming in but nothing along the lines of what I’ve taken on when back in between legs before.

When I am back in Melb I have a great network of friends who offer spare beds & rooms as a base. My general course of action is to ‘hide’ at Mums for a few days first so I actually get to stop & recover & to enjoy one of the most simplest things in life – home cooking! A few times now I’ll take a slight detour & head down to Tassie first & catch up with Dad & Kerry & have some true time doing nothing on their property. Does drinking port & eating oysters count as nothing...? Then it’s a heavy social calendar trying to actually catch up with everyone without leaving anyone out before I disappear again!! It’s great fun to see everyone & it is nice to constantly have people ringing up & wanting anything from a coffee to a few beers that usually lead to a few more!!

That’s what’s made me truly value the friendships I have & also, kind of sadly, realise that they continue to evolve without me. It’s not that my growth has been stunted as a person thru this Tango experience but I’m not sharing it with friends as it happens. Does that make sense...? Buller... Buller...!! Having been away from them all for months at a time, upon catching up with them, you slowly hear about who’s done what or what’s been achieved. Many times I’ve gone “They’re where...?”, “Hold on. When did that happen...?” For them, it’s grown gradually from Point A to Point E but for me, it all gets taken onboard in one hit!! Due to the wonders of Skype, Facebook & this whole Internet thing on which you read these very words, I get glimpses of my friends & family by “Instant Messaging” & posts & I can hear their voices as I read what they’ve typed, sometimes right down to the inflections!! The only thing missing is that it’s not face to face and I can’t raise a glass to them!!

And what makes matters worse is that, within the Tango Fire Company, my apordo (nickname) is Hombre Chancho, or to those who don’t speak Spanish, very simply translated, they call me Pig Man...! But... it’s actually a good thing believe it or not! Very few of the Company are ever called by their real names & with the Argentine community at large, a nickname is a mark of respect. Call me it in English & I’ll probably get annoyed, call me it in Spanish & it adds that air of mystery to me..!?!?

The name came about very early on, way back on the UK Tour. It was during interval in ??? and we were Loading Out that night so we were breaking down the tables & prac lamps. I thought everyone had cleared the stage and as I put down the last of the table pieces at the Loading Dock Door, I did a great big & resonate burp...! In one of the quickchange areas, unbeknownst to me, was Caro – the Argentine Artistic Director...! She came out & over to me, by which time I was prob going a little red, waving her arms around (as if she was mad but appearing to be all in fun) &blabbering in Spanish. Please note, that at this time, my Spanish was limited to yes, no, hello, how are you, see you tomorrow & a few basic swear words!! She eventually conveyed to me that I was a pig and demanded Toni fire me. I must admit, at this point a few beads of sweat may have appeared on my brow, after all, I had quit a perfectly good full time job only a month ago and this was the Artistic Director saying I should be fired..!! Luckily it was eventually made quite clear that it was all at my expense!! As is all things Argentine, when something funny happens, everyone has to be told & they were!

Due to the nature of the UK Tour, we didn’t travel with the Argy’s or have that much contact with them so it was sort of lost... Until some point on the US Tour! I have no idea where or why it was revived, but Chancho came back!! (No, it was not due to another burp!) Hombre was added somewhere along the line & then I developed my own theme song – to the tune of The Village People’s “Macho, Macho Man” and a star was born!! To this day, that song is sung as a greeting or echoes through the Dressing Room corridors!! I very really hear ‘Tim’ anymore but, as dumb as this may sound, I’m proud of my Argentine Badge Of Approval!! Occasionally, if you listen hard enough, you can hear a pig squeal... (yes, I also do sound effects for them!!) The Hombre has sort of been dropped, bar when I’m serenaded, but Chancho is their Illuminado Perfecto every performance!!


(Yes Mum & Dad, they call do me Pig Man but they’re my friends... honest, really they are..!)

Happy Snaps Of A Dutch Pirate Paradise..!!

One of the settings for one of our lunches! It was hard...!

Floris having a nap in his 'bedroom' aka the back of the truck!

Christian & Dan taking it easy in a Coffee Shop in Amsterdam...

Dan with a Thwacker (holds cables to bars) as decoration! (yes theatre nerds, the main way of securing cables to the bars are with Thwackers! Gold & great in this day of 'Green Planet!' - no tape waste!)

Stoopid Sound Farmers !!

Myself, Paul, Floris & Dan at the beginning of our only night out!

The Pirates with Michael - he was our Hotel Barman who was quite decent & looked after us quite well and decided to came along for the 1st part of our adventure!

Standard shot really...!

Paul & Floris dancing up a storm!

As Australian as ice cream...!?!??! (that's what the shop sold!)

No, it's not early in the morn & no, they're not striking silly poses......

Name of the shop says it all... I guess....?!?

Me being arty & wanky from the desk during soundcheck!

LOVE good haze!! Mmmm beamage...!!

Arrggghhh, Thar Be Pirates – The Ballad Of Floris & Paul

**My aplogies re. photos on this entry. Net is really crappy & doesn't even want to load one image at a time. In fact, if you can read this, I'm highly surprised this entry even made it into the World - Wide Web that is!!**


Floris & Paul were a fine addition to the Tango Fire family and even better was, they were actually real people! (remember Trevor Pastrami.....?) Now we could have been stuck with two boring, non-talented, slow, uninteresting crew but we lucked out. They were two great blokes who seemed quite surprised by the fact that we insisted on helping with the Load Out & actual set up. It seems as if the actual touring people in Holland send people out ahead to set it all up for them & then leave as they pack it all up! As much as it would have been great to do a ‘Briefcase Gig’ Tour (where you walk in, open the briefcase, do the show, close briefcase and leave) but it’s not the way that Dan or I work, especially as we’re used to the current schedule we have.

It was also great touring with insider knowledge. Pretty much every town, they knew where the best deal meal was to be found or would go out and do reconnaissance whilst Dan & I did soundcheck (well Dan did that!) and I adjusted FOH LX. Ribs became a favourite – especially when it was “All You Can Eat”! Gold! I don’t know why, maybe it’s because we eat a decent amount of red meat in Aus but I have never seen a restaurant advertised as an Argentine Steakhouse but throughout Holland (& many other parts of the world we’ve travelled) they’re everywhere!! Weird!

Prob the best place we ate was quite early on in the peace. It cost 18 Euro but it was an all you can eat, Asian BBQ/Wok Eatery! There was a selection of fresh meats & veg etc that you took up to the grill/BBQ section & then a separate selection of noodles, meats etc that you took to the wok chef. There was also a food warmer that contained your stock standard, always warming spring rolls, prawn crackers etc but had not a scratch on the fresh option. You could take up, in a bowl, as much or as little of each ingredient as you liked, add a sauce/spice if you so desired and within 10mins it was all cooked & served up right before your very eyes!! It was gold! You know when you order a seafood dish & you exclaim, “Only 4 prawns..?”, not in this place! This was also where I tried frogs legs for the first time & I’m happy to say that firstly, I went back for more & secondly, the stories are correct, they do taste like chicken!

One of the most unique dinner breaks we had was we had BBQ! Paul & Floris went off and bought these tin foil-esque BBQ’s that came filled with brickettes and a grill in place. They cost about 3 Euro each and then they bought a few different cuts of meat and we sat outside one of the venues, in the sun (such a rarity these days for me) and had a great feast!! Nice! It was even nicer to have a beer to wash it down with. Was a great, although small, taste of an Aussie Summer that we missed out on.

Side note : when asking for the bill in Holland, you ask for the rech-koning. The Reckoning – in the end, everyone pays! Myself & Dan got great milage out of this!!

The guys also opened our eyes to a freakendell speciale – a snack food of sorts. The way they described the freakendell is how we describe dim sims – all the bas bits of meat like hte hooves, noses etc is made into this sausage type thing. Sounds delicious!! BUT – when you make it “speciale” by adding in a curry sauce and some chopped, raw onions, you got yourself a tasty snack! It was also great to get back into the world of the croquette (a taste sensation that I became addicted to last time I was in Holland). They are one of the best damn snack foods of all time! The Dutch, & this is a bold statement, do snack food possibly better than us Aussies...! I love my snack foods & crave dim sims upon returning home – Big M’s too but that’s a whole different category! Anyhoo, croquettes are like an European version of a Chicko Roll I guess! Same crusty/golden/crunchy coating with different variations of meaty/vegetable fillings! They are really good & easily rival our dimmys!

There were a couple of great moments whilst walking the streets of Holland during our dinner breaks. In one town there were these telegraph type ‘play’ poles that had a seat attached to them and when you sat on the seat and pulled some levers or pedalled on the pedals, it made things attached to the poles do stuff – windmill spin, flags wave etc. Me being a big kid, I sat down and had my turn on one of the poles. I felt this tap on my shoulder & turned around and there was this little, blonde Dutch girl, around 4yo, who looked sternly at me and then berated me in Dutch, nodded her head & returned to her mum sitting near by! Paul & Floris burst out laughing as apparently I was told, “These toys are for little kids, not big kids. Go find your own”..!! Dan had his finest moment when he wanted to buy another pair of pants. We were out looking & had separated from Floris & Paul & Dan came across a pair that he seemed to like the look of. The sales assistant mentioned something (in Dutch) to Dan but of course we didn’t quite understand! He wanted to buy them & then wear them out of the store. The assistant kept gesturing about something & finally allowed Dan to pay for the pants & then return to the fitting rooms to put them on. Whilst he was getting changed, Paul & Floris came back & the sales girl talked to them & they then informed me what she had been saying....! We waited until we were walking out of the store & we asked Dan if his pants felt like they didn’t have as much room as normal...? He wasn’t sure & looked at us, quite suspicious... At that point we couldn’t help ourselves & informed him of the fact that he had purchased a pair of ladies pants!!

Another great aspect of having Floris & Paul around was that they were just as silly (smart) as us! Our senses of humour clicked very well & within the first few days we had about 10 ‘in’ jokes running that only multiplied over the following weeks. They picked up some of our sayings and vice versa & just to be sure, we created a few that were joint collaborations between the four of us!

From Paul & Floris we received :

“And now we dance” – which was said when a task was completed or a decision made, at which point, all four of us would do a little jig.
“Mini wave” – which could be shouted anywhere, anytime and you had to wave your arms like you were taking part in a Mexican wave.
“Hello Nurse” – what was said when a cute girl walked past.
Licht Nict & Audio Boon – the Lighting Gay & Sound Farmer! They’re common theatre nicknames across Holland & it was great to introduce yourself to crews (over coffee!) as the Licht Nicht as it put you on the front foot because you knew about & accepted their theatre sense of fun.

From us, Paul & Floris received :

“Do, do-do” – which is a ‘describing’ noise I make when telling a story (I like stories!) that fills in the action of doing something. eg “I was unpacking the shopping. Do do-do. And then read the note.” It’s a noise that I’ve made for years & the boys latched onto it & it became standard chatter!!
Pirate noises – there would come a time each day where one of us would break into Pirate speak... “Arrrr! We set sail for dinner at 6pm” etc. Why..? Nobody knows!! Paul was great & brought in the “Pirates Of The Caribbean” theme which only made it all the more worse... well, better actually!
“Que Cheracho” (care key-ruck-o) – Spanish for “What the f*ck!”

Probably the one that we created together was formed over our dinner breaks. Paul was always on the lookout for ice cream of some kind for dessert & from that one day he went “I scream”, to which another replied, “You scream”, followed by Idiot Number 3 adding “We all scream” & just so the fourth didn’t feel left out, they added, “For ice cream!” And so it was done! That popped up at many times over the course of the tour. Many times it fell apart as we all waited for someone else to add the next line...! If we’d rehearsed it and had a dedicated line each there probably wouldn’t have been any hassles but it also wouldn’t have been allowed to have the legs that it did!!

There were many more, silly things that came and went or lasted for the length of one day but the above stuck through til the end of the tour & I’m hoping that they will continue what we have ‘taught’ them, long after we’ve gone as I know we will take Mini Wave & our Dutch nicknames with us where ever we travel.

We’ve already seriously discussed meeting up again when we’re in Hamburg later on in the year! That will be a great moment.

The Dutch Oven Principal

Myself, Floris & Paul (local touring crew) & Dan doing a 'Mini Wave' - to be explained....

Dutch Oven : Aus colloquialism To knowingly break wind underneath a doonah and hold another persons head beneath said doonah, causing stress & watering eyes.

Franco (new singer), myself, Christian, Marizio, Nelson & Lynda out & about in Holland.

From Spain we next headed to Holland where we were due to tour for three weeks, with a different venue each day! Due to the size of Holland it was decided that we’d be based in Amsterdam and travel back & forth each day. I was looking forward to getting back to Holland for a decent amount of time as I got a really good feel from Amsterdam when I visited for only 5 days back in late 2004. Not enough time to properly explore a town, let alone a country but I’d always wanted to return and take another crack at it.

Some local graffiti

The way we toured through Holland was once again, a very different style of touring & a huge eye opener. This time we toured everything…! All the lights, pretty much all the sound, dimmers, desks, tables & chairs, wardrobe racks, double bass – everything! It was unlike any of the other legs of the tour since I joined them. Instead of there being a coach loaded with suitcases or a small van loaded with suitcases and basic necessities, there was a truck & a van (approx 5 tonne & 2 tonne a piece) – still small by most show standards but extremely large for ‘Tango Fire’! As another new twist, we also had two crew who toured with us! Floris was the driver & crew member for lighting & Paul was our sound tech & driver.

The way in which tours work in Holland & the schedule set out by our presenter was tight in our eyes. We usually get to a venue between 1030-1100, lunch at 1300, focus from 1400, soundcheck at 1600, plot lights from 1700, dinner by 1830 & then a show. In Holland we weren’t due to arrive til 1230 & we had to bump in from scratch as the venues basically only came with legs & broders...! Also upon arrival, you sat down with the crew for a coffee & introductions with the idea to start unloading at 1300..! What...?!?! That’s never going to work! Also, how ever many crew you walked into the venue with was how many the venue supplied... Meaning if you wanted six crew, you needed to bring a minimum of 3!

Dan & Christian guest star in my Shadow Shot.

Dan cooking up a BBQ dinner whilst Floris & Paul enjoy the spoils.

Slowly Dan & I allowed the ‘Dutch Oven Principle’ (as we nicknamed it) to envelop us. We were definitely worried about the timeframe but by Day 3, we were at one with the Dutch. The first few venues we arrived at 1100 as it was the first time the show had been set up in Holland & it gave us time to plot the lights & set the sound levels. It also gave Floris & Paul a decent chance to learn the set-up of the stage. Also, pretty much every venue is the fitted out the same. The aesthetics are different but the overall stage & equipment design is very similar in each venue. The fact that we were touring our own desk, lights & dimmers meant that the brightness & levels plotted in the ques were exactly the same each night. Normally, if there are different lights used & newer/older dimmers, you have to adapt the brightness & speed at which the lights fade up & down to keep the same overall smoothness of the show. It was the same for Dan from a sound point of view. Each light had a piece of white tape on it that had written on it what LX bar it was from & how far from centre to the left or right it needed to go. Due to the symmetry of the venues, this was quick and painless everytime.

Danger - Electrical Hazard By Death!

Giz was caught in a compromising position with a banana - not of my doing!

By Day 3 Dan & myself were confident enough to know how we needed to work & Day 5 we were loving the way it worked. The Dutch style of touring is SO different to Aus, the States & the UK & from the quickness & effortless way in which it was all able to happen, hence the “Dutch Oven Principle” was born! Upon arrival, sorry, after coffee & hello’s, I’d help Floris & Paul unload all the gear with the locals whilst Dan discussed which fly bars to use for our show and by the time the trucks were unloaded, I called in LX 4 and worked DS rigging whilst Floris & a local would run out all the looms & patch them into dimmers. Once that was done I’d discuss Cyc colour and whilst someone did that, I’d ask for a licht plenn – bad spelling but means lighting plan – and then point at what lights I wanted to use from Front Of House as my 3 colour front wash, discuss the focus with the locals & they pretty much just went away & did it each time or I had to speak very little!! Gold! Whilst doing the FOH stuff, Floris would plug up the booms, flash through ‘our’ lights and then he’d go up and focus & I’d stand DS and bring up each light as required. By the end of the tour, the whole overhead focus took approx 20-25mins as Floris knew the shots backwards & as he’d take his hands off a light, I’d bring up the next. Dan & Paul worked in tandem as well. Paul quickly learnt how, where & why Dan wanted his desk set up and did so accordingly. From starting at 1300, we were generally set-up, ready for a show & on lunch by 1500, 1530 at the latest...!! Gold!

My LX Desk - all marked out in a language that prob only I could understand!

Calling spots was funny! They called it Stage Left & Stage Right as the yanks & poms do (us Aussies call it Prompt & Opposite Prompt & can adapt!) but the Dutch Stage Left was our Stage Right and vice versa! So I didn’t get confused whilst calling I asked them how to pronounce it in Dutch! Granted I couldn’t get the right amount of ‘cough/flem’ on the right accent but Stage Right became Stage Rec-sht & Stage Left was Stage Linx! Very funny and confusing!

Some of the local architecture of the streets.

Another fine tradition that Dutch Theatre has is to buy the touring crew beer at the end of a night! I have never been one to mess with tradition...! It’s a great idea & most night we only had the one drink & then bailed back to Amsterdam but it was a really nice way to wrap up a day with the crew who had backed you up. Especially at the beginning of the day, it’s a great way to actually meet & have a chat with the crew rather than a brief introduction & a hand shake as you start telling them what to do.

Floris, myself, Paul & Dan - The Pirates Of The Canals & an action shot! More to be explained....